LayGuy

One song I can definitely relate to these days is Flyleaf’s, “I’m So Sick”.  I’m not ignorant to the daily struggles I have as I live out my life.

Sure I have victories and many successes. At the same time, I get this nagging feeling that I am kept from my full potential by my own failures and the assault on my life from the enemy of my soul.

As a result of this, I frequently see myself as a sick person.  I know what’s right and I want to go that way, but I am kept back by what seems as an invisible force.  And when I try to tackle this on my own, I fail all the time.

Paul alluded to this in his famous passage in Romans:

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”  Rom 7:15-24

I take great comfort in this passage.  If Paul went through this also, who am I to think that I wouldn’t.  It’s like I have a war waging inside of me and I get defeated many, many times.

Like Paul, I “do not understand my own actions”.  The very things that keep me a prisoner I delight in when it comes to my carnal nature.  But it’s these thing that I hate.

Therefore I come to the conclusion that “sin” has a home in me.  And that’s a sobering reality.  And what’s even more sobering is that the lines between “doing what I want to do and not doing what I want to do” are so damn blurred these days.

This must be the “waging of war” inside of me and my rational response is that “I’m so damn sick!”  This is a massive part of me and, if you were honest with yourself, you too.

This point is being driven home to me time and time again these days.  Almost to the point where God wants to shatter me in my reliance of “self” – He is moving me to realise that “I am a wretched man.”  And as much as that sucks, I know that I need to know this.

And with that background, I present to you the song that I so resonate with these days.  Flyleaf’s, “I’m so sick”.

Hope you enjoy.

FlyLeaf “I’m so sick”

I will break into your thoughts
With what’s written on my heart
I will break
Break

I’m so sick, infected with where I live
Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so sick. I’m so sick.

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you’ll shut up (shut up)
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I’m so sick, infected with where I live
Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so sick. I’m so sick.

Hear it, I’m screaming it. You’re heeding to it now
Hear it, I’m screaming it. You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes. This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I’m so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so, I’m so sick
I’m so sick, infected with where I live
Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so (I’m so)
I’m so sick (I’m so sick)
I’m so (I’m so)
I’m so sick (I’m so sick)